Curiouser and Curiouser

The price of being oneself. Is there a scanner anywhere on the planet that can check for the amount? Now that’s an opening sentence and question with so much possibility… and terror. My inner world resonates with alchemy of the soul unable to express the uniqueness of me. I recognize everyone’s inner world is rich and unique to them alone. Being able to share some of it creates intimacy and dissolves lonely into a pool of long forgotten tears. Alice, in her Adventures in Wonderland cried from fear and frustration of being larger than life, trapped alone and not sure who she was, created a pool that became a recreational place for antiquarian creatures and woodland animals. In the middle of swimming, she noticed a mouse and struck up an accidental dialogue about the inner most fear of the mouse, which may have reflected her own anxiousness, even as she rephrased her conversation to distract and comfort him. Good thing the dodo, lorry, duck and eaglet swimming nearby did not speak. Who knows what direction the conversation would have taken. Maybe that’s what I need, a distraction from my fear of lonely and the price of being myself. If only I could go to Macy’s and scan a cosmic bar code imbedded in my DNA to get the true price, the price that reflects what I ultimately pay for being myself. After all Macy’s is where so many housewives of NJ buy shopping bags full of happy. I was there myself two weeks ago partaking in a momentary fix. I suppose that’s the clue word there, momentary. I’m learning to live in the moment. I’ve noticed that much of my writing in Serendipity draws upon past experience and memories. Hidden in the spelling of serendipity is the word Serenity. I would like to find a way to access Serenity, not just on paper within another word but within myself, and be able to express it allowing the rippling effect of the energy pool to effect positive change with the dodo, duck, lorry and eaglet swimming with me. I’m thinking that letting go of everything that’s past and living in the moment is the way to access Serenity.

These comments are just thoughts from a housewife in NJ living on the alternate side.

The Walk Away~

Did you ever wish that you smoked cigarettes? Outside of the occasional stolen ‘Lucy’ I took from my Mom’s pocketbook as a kid growing up I never did. My Mom was a chain smoker. An ashtray containing stubbed out cigarettes etched with a fine line of red lipstick could be found wherever my Mother was. I never cared for smokes however there are times lately when I think I could use a cigarette break. People all over the world, my kids included, light up sometimes stepping outside and walking away from whatever they’re doing. I’m jealous of the accompanying “time out” that no other habit so easily grants. I think that’s the beauty of it, the easy walk away.

Maybe it’s my cabin fever, which is spiking and clearly related to January’s smoky turn of events or maybe it’s the fact that my left eye began to twitch when I was placing brownies in the oven 5 minutes ago. Right about now I’d like to easily walk away, just like a smoker, not looking back, having my own personal time out that is as culturally respected as a cigarette break.

For now I'll walk over to the fridge, pour a glass of chardonnay and walk up to a lavender patchoulli bath of my own making but I'm thinking Jim Capaldi was light years ahead of his time with Light Up or Leave Me Alone.