Curiouser and Curiouser

The price of being oneself. Is there a scanner anywhere on the planet that can check for the amount? Now that’s an opening sentence and question with so much possibility… and terror. My inner world resonates with alchemy of the soul unable to express the uniqueness of me. I recognize everyone’s inner world is rich and unique to them alone. Being able to share some of it creates intimacy and dissolves lonely into a pool of long forgotten tears. Alice, in her Adventures in Wonderland cried from fear and frustration of being larger than life, trapped alone and not sure who she was, created a pool that became a recreational place for antiquarian creatures and woodland animals. In the middle of swimming, she noticed a mouse and struck up an accidental dialogue about the inner most fear of the mouse, which may have reflected her own anxiousness, even as she rephrased her conversation to distract and comfort him. Good thing the dodo, lorry, duck and eaglet swimming nearby did not speak. Who knows what direction the conversation would have taken. Maybe that’s what I need, a distraction from my fear of lonely and the price of being myself. If only I could go to Macy’s and scan a cosmic bar code imbedded in my DNA to get the true price, the price that reflects what I ultimately pay for being myself. After all Macy’s is where so many housewives of NJ buy shopping bags full of happy. I was there myself two weeks ago partaking in a momentary fix. I suppose that’s the clue word there, momentary. I’m learning to live in the moment. I’ve noticed that much of my writing in Serendipity draws upon past experience and memories. Hidden in the spelling of serendipity is the word Serenity. I would like to find a way to access Serenity, not just on paper within another word but within myself, and be able to express it allowing the rippling effect of the energy pool to effect positive change with the dodo, duck, lorry and eaglet swimming with me. I’m thinking that letting go of everything that’s past and living in the moment is the way to access Serenity.

These comments are just thoughts from a housewife in NJ living on the alternate side.

The Walk Away~

Did you ever wish that you smoked cigarettes? Outside of the occasional stolen ‘Lucy’ I took from my Mom’s pocketbook as a kid growing up I never did. My Mom was a chain smoker. An ashtray containing stubbed out cigarettes etched with a fine line of red lipstick could be found wherever my Mother was. I never cared for smokes however there are times lately when I think I could use a cigarette break. People all over the world, my kids included, light up sometimes stepping outside and walking away from whatever they’re doing. I’m jealous of the accompanying “time out” that no other habit so easily grants. I think that’s the beauty of it, the easy walk away.

Maybe it’s my cabin fever, which is spiking and clearly related to January’s smoky turn of events or maybe it’s the fact that my left eye began to twitch when I was placing brownies in the oven 5 minutes ago. Right about now I’d like to easily walk away, just like a smoker, not looking back, having my own personal time out that is as culturally respected as a cigarette break.

For now I'll walk over to the fridge, pour a glass of chardonnay and walk up to a lavender patchoulli bath of my own making but I'm thinking Jim Capaldi was light years ahead of his time with Light Up or Leave Me Alone.

The Tao of Stars

Here under the night sky

my smile is reflected in moonlight

Away you are unaware

of my present stillness in your heart

It settles and warms

to the rhythm of your soul

Resonating with happy

that separate ways

Invite expansion and wonder

to love as one

Traveling each others being

we move together

Lightened and always remembering

the way...

I was unable to locate a collage John Lennon created of a woman in the moonlight however in searching I became aware of how appropriate I believe Mind Games is for me right now. Decembers Lunar Eclipse delivered me to where I wish I wasn't so I will try to focus on the Miracle of Love, even if my mind is playing games with me.......

Susan Werner at Philly Folk Festival (2010) - May I Suggest

Capricorn Moon

The first New Moon of 2011 will be tomorrow, January 4. At 4:03 am a solar eclipse will occur in 14 degrees Capricorn. Wherever Capricorn is in ones chart the eclipse will deliver you there. For me it’s in my first house, so issues of personal growth, independence and self will be in the forefront along with a new way of bringing myself to the world, forging a stronger identity. Sounds like emotional bootcamp especially since I have Venus sharing the first house, a regular people pleaser who asserts indirectly. I'm not sure if I like this roller coaster but I'm on it. Anyway, it is a hardcore indicator of new beginnings for all as each of us have Capricorn placed somewhere in our soul contract called a natal chart. There is an excellent free site at www.astro.com where you can have your chart drawn if you’re inclined and brave enough to look into Saturns hold on you. Meanwhile all this New Year New Moon inspiration re minds me of a beautiful song Susan Werner wrote which I was lucky to hear live at last years APAP Conference as she shared a Showcase with Vance Gilbert. She’s alone here but with it I wish you all Happy New Year with a song that has a timeless echo in each of our hearts…….Go ahead and hit play, it may have been written with Venus in Susan's heart...... but it's for you.

DRIVE MY CAR

The moment I became aware that Los Lobos would be ringing in the New Year at City Winery I wanted to go. It’s been almost three years since Dakotah Blue presented the band at WPU and I had a craving to hear one of my most favorite bands live. Traditionally I spend New Years Eve with friends and when I mentioned going to the city to see the show no one was able to commit. In early December the Fab Faux decided to play 4 dates in the week between Christmas and New Years. Tickets went on sale December 12^th and the sold out shows in City Winery’s intimate setting were amazing. It was a bit of a shuffle for Jack who was also playing at the Bowery Ballroom, in Patti Smith’s band. The close proximity of the venues and the earlier timing of the Faux gigs made it possible for me to pick him up after sound check at the Ballroom getting him to the Faux gig in time despite the mountains of snow throughout SOHO (or should I say SnowHo?) After the Faux encore, car service was running him back to the Ballroom. I was the back up plan in case the car service didn’t show up so by 8:40 we were checking out side for the car. The service did arrive and the first night after speaking to the driver, Rennie went inside as they were finishing the encore to be there to escort Jack out to the car. I remained outside by myself thinking how beautiful the night was. I was alone on the street just outside City Winery’s huge oak doors listening to the music spill onto the street. I noticed someone negotiating the snow bank and the melted snow pond forming on the corner and I looked over to see David Hidalgo of Los Lobos walking right toward me. Two women were accompanying him. I quickly said hello and re introduced myself letting him know that I work with the Fab Faux now. It turns out David, his wife and their friend were coming to hear the Faux so I brought them in. The show had just ended but they joined everyone in the dressing room. I was elated to have met up with them and I overheard Jimmy asking if they’d be able to come back the next night. It was all left up in the air when they left however the air in Manhattan is apparently filled with magic. The next night just before the show started, with the room filling with people, I saw them back, this time with Conrad and his wife and grandchild. We got them seats and I took off to look for Denny Laine who was arriving late after his own car issues. Needless to say David played during the encore, along with Denny who was a scheduled guest. My very first story here, written last December was of the surprise chance to work with Los Lobos and now I close out the year with another tale of wonder, or is it all just Serendipity? Either way it’s brought me so much happiness.

Here Comes the Sun

One day to the Feast of the Virgin of Guadalupe which is my one-year anniversary of writing Serendipity! Fourteen days until Christmas. Thirteen days to my son’s 19^th Birthday. Eleven days until the Winter Solstice. Today is the first day of a Mercury Retrograde that will last until December 30^th. And so it goes for the month of December…I had hoped to blog each week this past year however I am still happy that I’m writing this now with the intent to post even though Mercury is Retrograde. I have stories spinning around in my head however finding a way to get them out without setting off friends and family can at times be my challenge. I am becoming more courageous although it may be sometime before I can write about who sent what to my PO Box after working the Lennon Tribute. As I wrote that sentence I was smiling with a heart that still beats in disbelief. I am looking forward to Eric coming home from school next week. I am looking forward to Christmas because my shopping is half done and my house inside out is sparkling with lights. The lights are current day remnants from ancient Solstice bon fires that were lit everywhere on great Mother Earth since prehistory. Ever notice how you just need to switch the H to the beginning in earth and it becomes heart? She is a real living thing. This years Solstice will also bring a lunar eclipse to the heart of the human universe. To be a watcher of the stars, this stellar drama is a huge event. I am including some of Bob Bermans writing for Astronomy Magazine because he says it all.

The oddest celestial event? This year there's an easy winner. It's the millennium's first total lunar eclipse completely visible from all of North America and Hawaii. And whoa, beat the drums; it happens right on the solstice. 

This was exactly the kind of spectacle that inspired the fun-loving Mayans to push their most annoying relatives off pyramids. (Does any scholar actually know how they selected people for sacrifices? "Annoying" seems logical.) These days, our own citizenry is much too overweight to engage in such energetic rituals. But if you're tempted, be sure to first check local ordinances before you perform even a single goat sacrifice.

At midnight December 20/21, we'll have the highest Full Moon until 2020. From the West Coast, that Moon will be in total eclipse at midnight — how cool is that? Observers in Key West will see the magical Moon straight up, an imperceptible ½° from the zenith. Count on crowds blowing conches at Sunset Pier at that overhead moment of 12:17 a.m. But like all Eastern time-zoners, they must wait 'til 1:32 a.m. for the eclipse's umbral beginning.

We'll also get a rare chance to gauge the Full Moon's brightness. During the night's first half, it defiles the sky with a creamy glow that obliterates everything fainter than 3rd magnitude. Then, if you live in the country away from streetlights and other light pollution, behold the metamorphosis. Drink in the glory of the winter Milky Way after the Moon's been reduced to a coppery phantom, with the visible star count boosted from 120 to 2,600.


The magickal moon turning into a coppery phantom…sounds like an occasion to party to me. My friend Stacy and I are going to plan some Solstice festivities however one or two of my annoying relatives are not inclined to participate in this sort of revelry. I could get their goat by writing some of the tales they’ve inadvertently shared with me or included me in. That was just a fun loving throw them off the Ramapo Mountains Mayan type of thought. I found out recently that there is sacred Indian land in Ramsey, which Stacy and I by chance(?) happen to live on though I am not aware of any pyramids. I intend on acknowledging the power of the lunar eclipse, the Winter Solstice, which is the rebirth of the sun in 0 degree Capricorn, celebrating the birth of the Son several days later on December 25^th and celebrating my own son’s birthday on the 23^rd. My astrological chart has Mercury in Capricorn at 0 degrees in the 12^th house and it was at my astrologers advice to begin to open up and have the world hear my inner dialogue so it was her suggestion to blog. Here I am back again at the beginning, my one year anniversary of speaking my truth. Sun, son, sun here it comes……